Two states away from home. I wish this tour could last forever, but I want it to be over now just for a day. I know there will be the initial letdown after I walk through the door and put my bag in my room. I always sit there for a few minutes looking at my room. Guitar parts, drums, studio stuff, my bed, a picture of my ex, whatever toys Sunshine left in there last...it all is exactly like I left it. I am never quite sure how to feel about that. Everything in my life changes, but my room stays locked in time. It is weird. It has been like that for as long as I can remember.
It is summer. Classes have ended. Most of my friends that I used to hang out with on regular basis have all graduated and moved or gone home for summer. I was on the road all summer last year. I want that for this summer too. I want to be on the west coast again or somewhere that is not in Gainesville not doing anything. I am sure I could make a bunch of party friends and have some semblance of short-lived, shallow relationships, but they would end abruptly as soon as I go back on tour. I think I will pass!
There are some people I would like to spend time with while I am home, but they are all married and some have kids. It is a little weird for me. I feel like there is a level of "grown up" that you cannot achieve until you are married and maybe have a child or two. Anyone who is in their twenties and single knows what I am talking about. It is like even if you are still single when you are 40, you will still be the "kid" hanging out with the couples (aka "the adults"). And the couples do not mean to do this, but they all seem to have forgotten how that situation feels. I have had an incredible amount of life experience that most people will never have, but it never bridges the communication gap.
What really gets me is when someone asks me what a normal day on tour is like or why I am an insomniac or something that requires me to explain I generally stay up all night in a rowdy bar, or driving a deserted highway, and sleeping in a parking lot. I get the smirk. I get the sideways glance at the spouse. I see the wheels turning and gears of some unused portion of the brain grinding through the thought process of trying to figure out why someone who is not a teenager or homeless would do that. Then there is the "didn't you have a great job before? And that girl...what was her name?" I know all the tell-tale signs that I might as well start speaking French (or attempting to) because nothing I say is going to make any sense to them.
I really love it when one, or both, start to give me advice or explain to me what I need to do to make it in the music industry. The best is "Maybe you should try for American Idol." At this point, I start contemplating how much it would actually hurt to punch myself in the face. I also start to wonder if I could successfully knock myself completely unconscious. That is like telling a Formula 1 racecar driver "Maybe you should check out the new Ferrari." It is vaguely related, but it makes absolutely no sense in any way.
The music industry cannot be fit into any normal business equation and it is as specialized as rocket science. So just...don't. I have read a million books and been immersed in the industry for years and I still struggle sometimes to keep up with a fast-paced conversation about copyright law and licensing. I do not try to tell doctors how to treat patients. I do not get why someone can think, "Hmmm, I worked for a business once...so I know how the music business works! Let me tell you what to do."
So there was my rant. I feel like I have done that one at least once before in a previous blog. Regardless, it felt good to work through it again. The last shows have been good, minus some dudebro trying to pick a fight with me because I complimented a random girl (who I did not know was his girlfriend) on her tiara. I did not have time to break his jaw right then because I had to settle up with the promoter and get paid. That was far more important. But when I went back, people said he had scrambled and ran to his car and left. Guess he knew what was best for him. People are dumb when they are drunk.
We are playing Georgia tomorrow night then driving all night home. I can already taste the #14 off the a la carte on La Fiesta's menu!
"Every ending's a new beginning"
ReplyDeleteI cannot pretend to understand the chaos of emotion that comes from ending tour life and returning to structured and scheduled home life, but I do understand the emotion that comes with returning home from something you love, and trying to maintain the same amount of passion in the midst of everything that you have always known... anyways, what I am trying to say is that I will be praying for you, in your travels and as you return home. I am sure you know what to expect in the transition by now, but I know that often doesnt make things much easier. Luckily, we know a God who is in the midst of us no matter where we are, and there is no doubt in my mind that you will touch lives in Gainesville just as much as you do when you are touring around the country. #missingyoutodeath.