This tour is coming to a close. It is the end of a mini-era for me. I had so many things change this year. I saw tons of places, played tons of stages, did a million things I thought I would never get to do. I moved to a new place and set up my dream studio. I got a new puppy who is the sweetest thing ever. I dated a wonderful, beautiful girl for awhile. I met so many people and made so many new friends. And now the band has come to an end. This year ran the gamut of emotions for me.
There have been so many beginnings and endings for me this year. I know it set me up for what is next. I am so excited for that, but I cannot help but feel a tinge of sadness for the ending. I have loved listening to Between the Trees for years, and getting to be a member of the band has been an awesome time in my life. Playing some of the songs that meant a lot to me as a listener has been very cool. I am moving on to another band and will continue touring, but I am so thankful for this experience.
Aside from the band breaking up, there were quite a few things that fell through that were a bummer. I wish some of the tours had worked out, like the two The Rocket Summer tours we were supposed to do. That would have been awesome. I wanted to do more of the theme park and college dates we were looking at. Those would have been amazing.
On the other side of that, touring with The Almost was awesome. I also got to play festivals and hang with Phil Wickham, Relient K, Red, Anberlin...the list could go on forever. I learned a lot about the touring side of the industry, which was great. I picked up an awesome deal with Gibson Guitars. I got to meet the guys from Moss Amps and will hopefully be working with them in the near future.
On the personal side this year, I feel like I have grown but I have found it hard to keep up with friends at home. It is kind of like moving. You want to keep in touch with your friends, but there is this strange disconnect. I try to keep up through Twitter and Facebook, but I know that it is not like being there daily. When I am home for a bit, I reconnect with whatever friends I have left at home and it is like I never left. It just takes some time. Long tours are the worst. After a month or two on the road, I feel like I need a solid week just to catch up with everyone back home. Obviously, not everyone is the same. There are some friends that I have gotten closer to since I have been on the road!
I have realized what people mean when they talk about getting lonely on tour. You can meet a few hundred people in a day and still be lonely. That seems to contradict itself, but it is a phenomena most touring musicians experience. That is why it is so great to see one familiar face in the crowd. I feel like I found my long-lost best friend when that happens! The people who you meet and connect with and spend time with when you are back in a city really are your best friends on the road.
Being single and on the road is great on so many levels, but you also know that when the tour and fun is over, you are not going home to anyone. On the one hand, you have no fighting and no drama to deal with. Ever. On the other hand, there is no one to tell about your day and hear about her day. You never have to leave somewhere to take a phone call; but then again, you never hear "I love you" at the end of a phone call. There is never a special event you miss because you are out on the road, but there are never any special events to look forward to when you are home. For those of us who cannot remember dates, there is no anniversary to remember; then again, there is no anniversary to remember. It is the epitome of a catch-22. You cannot win. Or lose, I guess!
I guess for someone like me who plans to be touring long-term and invest such a big part of my life into being on the road, it makes sense to be single and just deal with it. That will probably always be the thing I question...until I meet the beautiful girl of my dreams who will fall madly in love with whatever is left of me after I have destroyed my body rocking out hardcore for so long.
But after the show is over, guitars are put away, merch is packed up, and every fan has gotten a picture, I lie down in my little bunk and listen to the hum of the wheels rolling over interstate pavement. I check my phone to see where the next show is. I put on my headphones and turn my light out. And before I put my exhausted body to sleep, I thank God for my family, my friends, every person I met that night, and for the chance to live a dream that only a tiny percentage of people will ever get to experience. At the end of the day, that is all anyone really wants. I was thankful to live this year with Between the Trees. I will be just as thankful to live touring with the next band.
It is a wild life and I am living every second to its...wildest? Yep. Sounds about right.
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